Love, Dating & Relationships​​

Why You Shouldn't Try to be the Perfect Partner

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Having to be a perfect partner can be very stressful. Do you think that we need to accept that a relationship is flawed for it to work? Check out the argument here: https://ideas.ted.com/why-you-should-not-try-to-be-the-perfect-lover/
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lucy.talbot
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Philosopher Yann Dall’Aglio believes that the quest for being the perfect lover in nothing but a modern delusion that erodes relationships we seek to strengthen. Couples who put so much weight on performance will break up at the slightest underachievement but should instead ease into an imperfect relationship. It promotes insecurity in the relationship.
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Do you think this makes a good explanation on why relationships fail? What are your thoughts and experiences?
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The harder you try, the harder you fall. This came to mind as I was reading this gathering. Professor makes some sense. An intimate relationship should come naturally, not much pretense.
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I think this is applicable only for relationships that are in the early stages. If a couple is already deep into the relationship and has kids, I would try my hardest to make it work. If it means changing something to be the 'perfect' partner, I wouldn't mind trying. And if I'm at that stage, we would be able to talk through what's practical to change and what's not.
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We need to be realistic about what we want in a partner. Nobody is perfect. It's actually those expectations that drive a wedge in the relationship. Some people want their partners to change to fit their criteria.
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Here’s the truth:
- Every person is imperfect.
- You can’t make a person change.
- Therefore, you must love an imperfect person you can tolerate - or even appreciate.

With that said, whoever you choose to love, realize that you are also choosing to love a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates.
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Nobody really wants the perfect partner because it will bring up insecurities in ourselves.
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Relationship conflict is natural. When we fight and argue, it teaches us how to love better, how to take a step back from the “problem” to understand our partners better. It teaches us how to work with change in our relationships and it also reminds us of why we choose our partners, and allows us to renew our relationship over time.
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You should never be anything except your true self. It would be exhausting to keep pretending to be somebody you're not.
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Hlw
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hedvika-zelenka, drdm, Ramesh and 7 other people started following this discussion
hedvika-zelenka, drdm, Ramesh and 7 other people started following this discussion
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You should never be anything except your true self. It would be exhausting to keep pretending to be somebody you're not.
I agree! Love is about loving another person for who they truly are. Trying to be the perfect partner is hard work and most of the time you'd be pretending to one.
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It just seems so unrealistic. Partners that are perfect are too good to be true. They don't exist.
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