Does your own childhood affect your parenting?

Parenting & Childcare
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Much of the reason I believe we overcompensate for our parents’ mistakes is that we project ourselves or how we felt as kids onto our children. We may see them as our parents saw us, as “wild” or “incapable.” We may typecast them as the “bad kid” or the “baby.”
I am guilty of that. We sometimes expect them to carry on our own dreams or pursue our interests, rather than finding their own. When we project ourselves onto our kids, we fail to see them as the distinct individuals they truly are.
12 d
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If we weren't treated with respect when we were young kids, we may grow into adults who perceive others as disrespecting us which will trigger us to react with anger to the slightest disrespect, even from a three year old.
12 d
If our parents reacted harshly when we got upset, we may have concluded that getting upset is an emergency, and we go into fight or flight when our child gets upset. The catch? When we're in"fight," our child looks like the enemy.
12 d
Much of the reason I believe we overcompensate for our parents’ mistakes is that we project ourselves or how we felt as kids onto our children. We may see them as our parents saw us, as “wild” or “incapable.” We may typecast them as the “bad kid” or the “baby.”
No matter how good our intentions, we are bound to feel triggered by our kids at moments of frustration. We are often provoked by daily situations that remind us of pain from our past, even if we are not conscious of what is creating the distressing feelings. Often in these moments we feel transported back into the old, painful situation. We may act out in ways that are either parental or childish, but we aren’t really being ourselves.
11 d
We often re-create with their children what they experienced with their own parents. Some parents try to do the opposite of what their parents did. It does influence us.
10 d
Once you understand where your “triggers” come from, and how strongly they can impact your family life, it’s good to know there’s a way to neutralize these issues and keep them from upsetting your relationship with your child.
9 d
I don't think it's much our childhood experiences but more stress. We all know that when we're under stress, we're less patient.
8 d
More than the negative. I think we should also consider the positive - Like in what ways do you feel your parents had a positive impact on you — that you would like to do with your own child?
8 d
Just as you are your child’s first teacher, your parents were yours. Things they said and did, their way of being and relating to you and others, laid the foundation for many of your beliefs, values, attitudes, and parenting practices.
8 d
You sometimes regress and act on beliefs, values, and experiences from your childhood without making a conscious decision to do so. The amount of crying, fussing, and clinging that you can tolerate from your baby or toddler; the way you treat a boy compared with the way you treat a girl; the way you react to sibling rivalry; and your approach to discipline all may have roots in your early experiences.
8 d
I learned how to be a parent because of my childhood.

It showed me how violence and bullying were seriously damaging and how emotional manipulation can seriously affect the bond between parent and child. It showed how a lack of physical and emotional affection can lead to social fears and a lack of trust, confidence, belief and belonging.

My childhood wasn’t all shit and some parts I cherish, but above all it was a childhood I swore never to repeat on any child of mine.
5 d
Thinking about your own childhood experiences can help you become more aware of the meaning behind your reactions toward your own child:
1. What were some of the messages you received as a child? (About your intelligence, ability, importance, value?)
2. Was there anything about your parents’ approach to raising you that you don’t want to recreate with your child?
3. Are there any significant events or experiences in your childhood that had an impact on you and that now may be influencing your parenting?
5 d
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4 d
Thinking about your own childhood experiences can help you become more aware of the meaning behind your reactions toward your own child:
1. What were some of the messages you received as a child? (About your intelligence, ability, importance, value?)
2. Was there anything about your parents’ approach to raising you that you don’t want to recreate with your child?
3. Are there any significant events or experiences in your childhood that had an impact on you and that now may be influencing your parenting?
I agree. It's our thoughts and attitudes or the way we're interpreting the situation.
4 d
cassidy-debeercathy.hinessherry.kerr
cassidy-debeer, cathy.hines, sherry.kerr and 7 other people started following this discussion
From time to time, I would hear myself saying or see myself doing something that I recognized from my childhood and didn’t want to repeat. I then proactively altered my behavior for a better result.
4 d
I worked hard to incorporate the best practices I grew up with and avoid the worst. Parenting is hard, and we all fail at times. However, I am content in the knowledge that I did my best by keeping an open mind and growing along with my child.
4 d
I think as parents we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. It’s important to raise yourself while you’re raising your child. It’s also important not to waste energy on obsessive guilt when you realize you could have done something better. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others and move forward. Apologize to your children when appropriate and affirm them. Tell them that you are learning too and teach them to come to you with their needs so you can strategize with them and support them, empowering them to do what they can when appropriate and stepping in when appropriate.
3 d